Welcome to the Wander Worldschool Podcast. I'm Suzy, a travel-loving money nerd, mom of two, and our family lives between Spain, Colorado, and soon Japan. On this show, we discuss the stories, logistics, and finances of traveling families and the many ways to learn along the way. Today we get to know Stacey Wedding. Welcome to the show. Please tell me more about you and your family and where you're calling in from today.

Stacy

Thank you, Suzy. I'm Stacey Wedding with Resilience with Stacey. I'm American; my husband is German. We are currently stranded in Germany, you could say. We had a travel day mishap in Germany on our way to Denmark. We have three kids. Our daughter is 10. Our two boys are 13 and 15. So they are a little bit older than maybe the average worldschooling family, maybe. We have been worldschooling for three years. We lived what you could call a quote-unquote normal life in Germany before that with work and school. Three years ago, we woke up and wanted to get out and do something different, something more aligned with us and our values, and so we started worldschooling.

Suzy

I can't wait to jump into more about family travels and then, of course, more about what you do as a resiliency coach. Let's take it back to how travel started for you, if there was travel in your life growing up, and then also, I have a German husband as well. So I'm sure there's a story in there.

Stacy

I had a somewhat average American family, so road trips and visiting family while traveling was a big part of my childhood. I took my first real international trip when I was 13. Although in all the pictures I look overly annoyed, that definitely woke up in me a curiosity for other cultures and more travels. After university, I traveled and met my German husband. We met in India, of all places. He had been traveling for over two years at that point. We very quickly fell in love and had our first child, and then we just kind of fell into this, as I said, normal life with a job, and then a car, and then an apartment, and then a car, and more kids. After about a decade, we kind of just woke up like, "Why are we doing this?" Every morning, basically, nobody really wanted to leave the house. We had okay jobs and the kids' school was good, but we were not fully aligned with our values with how the schooling was, and we decided to just get up and get out and try something completely different.

Suzy

And I'm a little familiar with the school system in Germany, and I know it can be very structured. Also, there's some very early separation on tracks for where students are going to end up, which is one thing my husband did not like about growing up there because he felt limited. I just don't think at fourth or fifth grade that kids can really be put into boxes about where their future is going to take them. So I'm just curious about your experiences with that, especially since your kids were into those older levels in the German school system. Am I correct?

Stacy

Yeah. For those who don't know, basically at the fourth-grade level, so nine years old, you're predetermined, you're predestined to either the smart school, the middle school, or the "they just have to go to school" school. Our kids went to a Waldorf school, so it was different. To us, that was the best of what was available. My husband had gone to the same school. We had always convinced ourselves that that was okay. It really was, on one hand, for what is available in Germany. I love the Steiner philosophy and a lot about it, but there's still someone standing there telling you what to do, when to do it, and how to learn and all this stuff. We felt like it was very good to raise kids in Germany, on the one hand. There are lots of pros to being in Germany as a family. They give you money per kid per month to help with the kids. Insurance is good. The medical system is good. Like I said, we chose the best school that we could, but it all still wasn't really aligned with what we wanted. The boys were, you're correct, Suzy, fifth and sixth grade, I think, when we started, so they already had a lot of those basic milestones behind them.

And our worldschooling, like how we did schooling over the past three years after kind of breaking out of that system and then finding our own way, also has evolved quite a bit, right? We started as pure unschooling, like we're not going to tell them ever what to do. They enjoyed, I think, this exhale after all the schooling, but then we realized on both sides that we needed more opportunities. At some point, maybe they would just play chess and read all day, which maybe some person would say, "Well, that's learning, that's okay, you know, that's homeschooling, unschooling." We were kind of just tapping our fingers like, "Yeah, but you could be doing a little bit more." It's evolved. There's one and a half hours every morning where we learn. We sit down, and maybe I do some work on the computer. They need to write, and they need to read, and they need to do something, and we will help with workbooks. We do a mix of technology and non-technology because we don't want them just staring at screens all morning long. It's definitely been trial and error, just kind of figuring it out as we go, letting it evolve, and supporting as much as we could.

I was pregnant with our first child when we moved. I had learned German in high school, but it was definitely a big shift for me. With my travels before that, I kind of knew the culture. I was also coming into basically my husband's family. We were staying in an apartment from his parents and stuff like that. So it was a big shift, a big change, and obviously difficult to be away from my family there in America. But I adjusted. Traveling, Suzy, I would say, was almost non-existent. I have to just put it on me, me as the mom. You know, I took being a mom as a big deal, and I studied developmental psychology in college, and I wanted to make sure I did everything right. Now I've learned that a lot of what I thought was doing something exactly right is really just about having a healthy and supported mom and dad and us being more aligned, not giving up so much of us and our dreams to then somehow be there for our kids, you know? I was with my kids for the first three years of their life, which I found extremely important. But I definitely lost myself along the way. And there could have been more travel. I mean, traveling with little kids, Suzy, you know what it's like, whether it's a car or a plane or a train. It can just be difficult. We were also being a little bit lazy and just getting through the days and getting through the week, and we really just woke up and didn't want to do it anymore.

Suzy

That makes sense because life can just come at you fast, right? And then suddenly, what are we doing here? What have languages looked like? I presume the children have picked up German and English from family and then also the community. Is there anything else that's been part of your language learning journey with the kids and for you, too?

Stacy

Yeah, I basically speak English to everyone and everyone speaks German back to me. That's not exactly true. My husband and I speak English between each other. We met in India and that kind of just stayed then, which I love. So the kids can speak and write English, but their mother tongue is definitely German. Otherwise, it's just what they're interested in, which has been for the past few years Spanish, which I'm trying to also learn as well. We use primarily Duolingo, but that has its limits, and we are going to be this summer at an amazing place in Norway with a half-Norwegian, half-Mexican family. So we're hoping to all practice and get a little bit more Spanish in. I definitely, you know, with my three years of German in high school, just never thought I could fluently speak and learn another language. But obviously, traveling and being here, being surrounded by it and the culture as well, obviously just catapulted my German. I was literally with my little baby learning German because what do people say to little babies? You know, they're like, "Oh, you're so cute." And I'm like, "Oh, cute. I remember. I know what that word is." I literally learned together with my kids German. But like I said, from day one, I spoke English to them so that they would naturally acquire it and have it, which they do.

Suzy

So I can relate to that dominant language. Then when you move to a different situation, they have more exposure and it can shift in really cool ways too. I just think it's all very fascinating, the language piece. Let's also jump into the financial piece because you guys were working and then quit those jobs and started traveling. Tell me a little more about how that transition to travel took place.

Stacy

Yeah, so we just ripped it off like a band-aid. We woke up, made a decision, and within six months, we got rid of it feels like 80% of our earthly belongings. We have been in Germany a lot, back with family and visiting and stuff, but we have no real home base here. I teach English online, so I have students that I work with every week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Obviously, in the summer, way less. I have my coaching programs and stuff, so I have a really flexible, kind of up-and-down income. You can't budget with what I make, basically. So we didn't have a large lump sum of money. We didn't have a really stable income to work with when we left. So we shifted into something that my husband and I had done while we were younger traveling, which is WWOOFing and Workaway. So we cut the budget by what, half, by working four to five hours a day at these beautiful, amazing places, and then you get room and board in trade for that. Everyone is fed and everybody has a place to sleep.

Honestly, Workaway is better for the filtering, the profiles, and the feedback, which I found super important as a family. You really want to know where you're going. I'm not some 20-year-old girl that can just leave in two days if it's a weird place. You filter for the fact that families are welcome, how much room they have, what kind of work it is, and all that stuff. And we have found over the past three years so many amazing places that we almost don't need to go to new places. We have places we've found that we could imagine someday growing roots in and staying there and joining them. We looked primarily for farms. On one hand, my husband and I are trying to use this traveling time to learn. We would like to someday have a homestead, be somewhat self-sufficient, maybe off-grid, and so we tried to find places like that and learn from them: permaculture, what it's like to work with animals, all that stuff. And on the other hand, that is amazing for homeschooling. That was my idea and thought, which it has been. Our daughter loves animals, especially horses, but really all animals. Every dog that we've met is like our dog, and we've helped take care of so many baby kittens, it's ridiculous. It's just been a huge learning process of what it's really like to have those animals.

So that was a huge budget piece. I think a lot of families could benefit from that in many ways. So then it was just the basics. Insurance. I mean, we do house sitting when the budget allows. So it's been a mix of finding communities, finding farms, and having these learning experiences where we can give back, which we also really like, and get to know the culture and the families there, and then having a little break. We just did house sitting for three weeks at a friend's place here in Germany, and then we are going to go to a Workaway, so a little bit back and forth. Our minimum, I mean it depends, but $2,000 a month is the basics. The insurance is covered, we've got stuff to fill up the tank, we've got all the basics. That would be, though, with moving or Workaway, you know, with one of us or both of us working four to five hours a day.

Suzy

Is it easy to find family-friendly WWOOFing and Workaway situations? I've looked in some countries and found limited family situations, but I'm curious what your experience has been as a family.

Stacy

Yeah, so it definitely varies by country. You are right, Suzy. We have primarily done this in Europe. Even in Europe, it varies quite a bit. But as I said, you can filter, you can really narrow down and search. And I know that Workaway has a lot of opportunities in Europe. I don't know about South Africa or India; I really don't know. I know that it is worldwide and it has a lot of opportunities, but Europe is extremely prevalent. Either they say they're family-friendly and we think, "Oh, that could work," and we get a reply politely saying, "Oh my gosh, five people, are you crazy?" Or they also have a family, they also have kids the same age, and there are lots of places, lots of farms especially where the generations have settled. They have lots of room and they would love for us. It's really been both ways. So you have to plan ahead of time, a few months out. Start writing places, get a good dialogue with them, and be super upfront already in your profile. "Husband works online, digital nomad family. Mom will be working." Share how old the kids are and the temperament of the kids. Because you know, with a one and a three-year-old, I couldn't imagine being able to really contribute like we contribute now.

But we have met amazing communities and amazing other families along the way, as I said, that have welcomed us with open arms, almost no questions asked. Although we learned along the way to always do a video call with future potential hosts. We've had places where you could say on paper we're really good, the work is stuff we want to learn about, all that stuff. And then either we just had a really strong gut feeling like, "No," or during the video call, you could kind of sense that they were a little bit hesitant about it being loud while we were there or whatever. We were like, "Yeah, it will be loud. We are five people. If that's a problem, then yes."

Suzy

Yeah, you're right. The ages of the children make a difference, as does your availability to participate in whatever the farm and family needs are. So it takes some time and effort is what I'm hearing, but it is absolutely possible to find locations, especially in Europe, that are family-friendly and are good opportunities.

Stacy

One quick distinction: WWOOF, W-W-O-O-F, is really just organic farms. Workaway could be almost anything. You could be cooking for the family at night, or helping kids with English homework, or working on a farm, or in a community working in the garden. It's just very varied and you can search for that as well.

Suzy

And then how else are you traveling? Okay.

Stacy

We have a large car, and we have all our hiking gear with us. Yeah, accommodation is either at the house sitting place or a Workaway or WWOOFing place. Yeah.

Suzy

Uh-huh. Okay. Well, I would like to hear a little bit more about your travels, and then also what travel looks like in the upcoming years as your kids get older too. I'm curious if you've thought more about that too.

Stacy

Yeah, we've thought about it. Even when we started this whole thing, we had this whole big idea, and the whole time we knew and still know in the back of our minds to just check in with the kids and with the family on what's working and what's not working. You know, at first, we kind of just left Germany and did Austria, France, and Spain, where we were around other families and communities and such. But then it was like, okay, let's go back to Germany. The social contact is a big thing, right, with the old friends. The boys wanted to see their old friends and all this stuff. So it turned into a mix. Then it turned into, I don't know, maybe 50/50. We were in Germany quite a bit. We have friends that have a farm here. We were helping them; they needed the help, so it was a win-win. And then we would just travel every now and then, be out and do Italy and Switzerland. Last summer we were up in Denmark, Sweden, and Norway. We had never been to Scandinavia before. So we want new stuff, new cultures, with a mix.

Right now, after traveling for three years, I think a lot of families I work with, I hear this too, they kind of hit a wall maybe where you miss the community, you miss the neighborhood, you miss the school friends or whatever. If you are permanently traveling, you almost become rootless, right? Like you don't have the grandma or the neighbor or the whatever; that's missing. It's a big missing piece that we are now actively figuring out. So maybe now it evolves into being at these two or three amazing places where we've really formed really strong connections and bonds, mixed with some new travels, but allowing ourselves to feel into a little bit more of a community and connection that way.

But we're also waiting on a green card for my husband so that we can go to America. My kids know America only on vacation, and I would like to spend a few years there, primarily around national parks, so that they get fully immersed in the language, the culture, and the amazing nature. Then they can really decide where they want to go to university, if they want to do that at all. Because they could do that in America, I want them to get to know America a little bit better and I want to be closer to my family, you know? It's their turn. We've been gone for quite a while and traveling, but the green card is taking forever, which happens. Maybe we do Southeast Asia for a few months, or we're open to what comes up, seeing what the kids need, what they like, and perhaps slowly growing roots in a few places as well.

Suzy

I like the idea of evolving as we travel and as our kids grow and what our needs and desires are, opening up more doors for them with the opportunity to maybe study further in the US. When I hear a lot about your travels, I hear how resiliency has played a role for you, your life, your travels, and now you're working as a resilience coach. Tell me more about that experience for you and what that means to work with people through resiliency. Just share with me more of your evolution in the coaching space.

Stacy

Yeah, I would love to. Resiliency, a lot of people just don't really connect with that word. It's basically stress management. It's coping. It's a whole bunch of things mixed all together. I studied developmental psychology in college, so child development and all this stuff was just super, super important and super, super interesting. Then I had my own kids and got into HeartMath, which basically makes really short, easy stress-management meditations based on science and data that you can do to increase your resilience. So then I started getting deeper into resilience, applying everything first and foremost in my own life, and then trying to bring it to students that I worked with.

In 2014 was my personal rock bottom. That was where I realized thankfully I am a naturally resilient, optimistic person, and even then, I needed help. I needed resources. I needed people. I just called on everything that I could for the year that I cried after that. Then I realized that it is teachable. There are really rock-solid ways to just apply it in your life. And then I got even more passionate about emotional intelligence and the nervous system and just all this stuff and went into a deep, deep dive. Then when we got out, when we started our travels, I was like, "Well, how can I do this traveling? How can I still help people and reach people?" I realized with the experiences that we had had that I obviously could do coaching online. I developed online programs so that people can just jump in. It could be a group of teenagers, a group of adults. I'm starting one with a group of families so that we can all just learn how to connect, how to stay grounded, how to regulate the nervous system, all that stuff that plays into resilience that I think is so fascinating. On one hand, it is relatively complex, but it is easy to try and do and really make positive change in your life if you really want to.

Suzy

What about for a traveling family particularly where they are encountering new situations, difficult situations, language barriers? What are some tips and tricks and skills for both the parents, because I think it starts there, right, but also things that we can teach as we're traveling to develop that resiliency?

Stacy

Yeah, some people think, "Oh, we just start traveling and then all our problems will go away." It's like, no, your problems come with you. There's room in the luggage for that. How do we deal with that? There are a lot of different techniques. We could actually do a really short breathing technique together in a minute, but what came up while you were saying that was emotional intelligence, and you're right that it starts with us. Regulation starts with us; emotional intelligence starts with us. We are the adults in the room, so we set the bar, we set the example.

So what can we do? Let's just talk about our emotions more. Let's just say, like we had four days ago, the car just broke down on the side of the highway and we called a tow truck and they're coming, but I'm pretty upset right now and I don't know what's going to happen. Just say what is going on right now for you in an "I" sentence. "I'm tired right now." "I'm a little bit frustrated that we're not doing this quicker." Whatever it is. Use "I" and then say your emotion.

And then we could also, this would be a separate thing, name what our kids might be experiencing, right? This will help them to feel validated. If your three-year-old is trying to stack blocks and they keep falling or they can't reach something, say, "You really wanted to stack those blocks. That must be so frustrating." Or, "You can't reach that. That makes you angry. I'll help you." Let's be so present with our kids that we maybe know what's going on with them emotionally and say it. Say it out loud. If they're older, maybe they correct you and they say, "No, I'm not upset about that. I wanted something else." And if they're younger, then they're just absorbing it. They're absorbing it and learning, "I can talk about my feelings. I can name them," because just naming emotions makes them much easier to accept and maybe do something with, right? To change it to a positive.

The breathing exercise that we could do, super short and sweet right now, is something that helped me a lot during our breakdown on a German Autobahn fiasco. It's just a double inhale and a super long exhale. This mimics a breath that our little kids have naturally. Think about it, Suzy. Your three-year-old kid freaked out, full tantrum, screaming, crying, is no longer freaking out but is not yet calm and collected. Normally you hear this sound; you hear these multiple short inhales. That is the parasympathetic nervous system, the calm, the rest-and-digest system pumping the brakes to slow everything down. And we can do that. It's a biohack.

We can take one deep inhale in through the nose, stop, do one more little sip, and then a nice, full, long exhale through the mouth as long as you can. And when you think you're done, do a little bit more. We'll do it one more time together. Inhale through the nose. Stop. Inhale a little bit more. Full exhale through the mouth, maybe even a sigh, letting it all the way out. Pushing it out, pushing it out, pushing it out, pushing it out. A double exhale-to-inhale ratio is the goal, and that will instantly turn on the parasympathetic system, like I said, to rest.

Suzy

Wow, that's so powerful. And thank you for sharing that exercise. I know I could use this a lot with my kids, but I like this. It's not just "take a deep breath." There's something else to think about when we're being intentional with the breath and the double breath. I hope that's a great takeaway for those listening to say, "I'm going to incorporate this the next time I or my children, or both, need to bring down the temperature a little bit, right?" At what point would it be a great time to work with someone like you who could help them navigate some skills in the family? You do family coaching one-on-one. What are some situations or things that people might seek out services for?

Stacy

All you have to do is be open to help and maybe need and value help, right? So I've had families that had small kids, burnout, really kind of at the end of their rope. And then you just start with coping, coping, coping, like giving them all the tools and techniques you can, and maybe get into a little bit more of the theory. And then you have the families that are just like, "We just think this is super important. We want to improve our relationships." And then you can go a lot more into the theory and the why behind it and the teachable moments behind the resilience. So it's really open for anyone.

At the moment, if it's more of a crisis and "we need to get through this and just tell me what to do," it can be difficult because then there's only so much capacity and so many moments that you can do a breathing technique. But I've found if you're open enough, if you really want to change, it is possible. And yes, there will be ups and downs. There will be a week where everybody has a stomach flu and you're just trying to cope, and that's okay, too. You know, it's just always coming back to it, just always remembering, "Okay, yesterday didn't work at all. Today I could do my little meditation again in the morning like I wanted to," or whatever it is.

Suzy

Mm-hmm. And I think this plays a role with understanding what the challenges are for you with traveling for the last three years. We'll talk about the wins in a moment, but what are some of the challenges that you've encountered?

Stacy

Challenges. There have been endless challenges from kids being sick to travel days. The most recent one, I would have to say, is our biggest challenge so far. Driving seven hours straight at the border of Germany, about to enter Denmark, and the car just breaks down. So we always try in those moments to acknowledge what's going on and just be like, "This is happening," so everyone is on the same page. We now have two teenage boys that are more than capable, and our daughter, she just goes with the flow. So we're on the side of the Autobahn waiting for a tow truck, we jump in the tow truck, and somebody's like, "So what are we doing? What's the plan?" We had lots of options, we had lots of ideas, and then we went through them. We could have gone to nearby places here, here, and here, but almost in every direction, we had a way that we could figure this out together. And that's the thing. I think with traveling families, it's really cool because you're together a lot of the time. You have that connection, or you can have that connection if you value it and work on it, so it was just like, "We're gonna figure this out together," and we did. So that comes to mind.

Suzy

I'm sure that's a lot to navigate. But what are some of the positive things that you've seen either in you or your family as you've taken on more of a traveling lifestyle?

Stacy

I'm just really humbled and proud of how connected we are. Of course, there are bumps in the road, and of course, there are bad days and bad moods and all that stuff. But I've got two teenage boys that I hug before they go to sleep every night and who talk to me, and just all this stuff where I think, I don't know if we would really have that level of connection with the old life that we had. I'm really grateful for our time together and that we can make these memories together and be together.

Suzy

This is awesome. Let's jump into a lightning round. Say you can only ever visit or live in three countries. What are they?

Stacy

Okay, America, Spain, India.

Suzy

So not Germany, though? You've had enough. I mean, okay.

Stacy

I've had enough. And Spain is close enough; my family can visit me. True, true. That's why we landed in Spain, like, it's close enough.

Suzy

What is your favorite travel-related movie, book, or piece of media?

Stacy

I read when I was traveling when I was younger, Eat, Pray, Love. Back in the day, I'm sure you did too. And I really liked it. It helped me at that stage of my life; it helped me get some perspective.

Suzy

Totally, me too. Yeah. What is one item that you cannot travel without?

Stacy

Our car. Also my laptop, like my laptop with my work and the kids using it for school and stuff. Laptop, definitely.

Suzy

When it's functioning. And what is your favorite subject to worldschool with the kids?

Stacy

Emotional intelligence. You can use that in any subject.

Suzy

I love it. That's great. No, that's it exactly, and it's the foundation for learning the next steps. If your brain can't process it, you're not going to take on math or science. Where can people connect with you and learn more about your services, and what do you have coming up that you can offer folks in this resiliency coaching world?

Stacy

Yeah, so my website is just Resilience with Stacey. Stacey is spelled S-T-A-C-Y. Instagram also is Resilience with Stacey; you'll find me there. I try to give as many tips and tricks as I can. Otherwise, my courses are all on the website.

Suzy

What will the family course look like?

Stacy

Yeah, so it's basically Family Resilience 101. It covers the basics of resilience but specifically applied to the family dynamic, right? As I said, we're the leaders. It goes a lot into self-regulation for the parents, but just gives a whole bunch of tools also for connection within the family, how we support each other, and emotional intelligence. Another pillar of resilience is to know yourself, so we go into personality types, parenting styles, communication, all that stuff weaved together to give people all the basics they need to take their relationships, whatever they are, to the next level.

Suzy

It sounds like this is something a family could actually do before they even start traveling as a way to build up those skills, because that is a huge adjustment to transition to travel. And then when you are traveling and experiencing new experiences and you're spending a lot more time together, perhaps to already have those skills in place that you can reach into your toolbox for instead of, "Okay, now we're in crisis mode," like you mentioned, "I need some help at this point." So I think that's great to offer it in lots of different avenues.

Stacy

Yeah, one family I'm helping right now is literally six months out from their start. And you're exactly right, Suzy. They realized on a summer vacation last year, like, "I can't even be with my own kids for a week. Like, how are we going to travel like this all the time?" And then we met and it was like, "Okay, yes, please help us." So they're starting all this stuff now. They're practicing all the techniques, they're seeing what works and what doesn't work, and what do they need so that when they travel, they have this full toolbox of stuff they can use when they need it.

Suzy

I'll make sure to link all this information in the show notes so people can follow along, get those tips and tricks, and work with you either before or during travel. Thank you so much, Stacey.

Stacy

Thank you, Suzy. I appreciate it.